Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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