Are we in a gay sports bar?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
