Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
