Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
