cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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