I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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