The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
