Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
