Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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