talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
