yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
did you just send me my own nude
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
