i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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