We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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