I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
