I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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