oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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