you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
