did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
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