Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
