using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
