OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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