btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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