can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
