I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
