omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
