dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
