I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm both gender and math confused
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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