I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
