so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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