cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
