Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We just shotgunned beers for America
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
