Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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