i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
