I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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