dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
