I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
