Banned from zoo.
Again?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
