Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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