After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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