the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
