I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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