I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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