So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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