i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
