can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
