I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
