You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
