My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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