Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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