we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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